i heart faces - yellow

Too stinkin' cute!!!

i heart faces - yellow

 

Bravery Hearts

It is hard not to think of where we 

were last year at this time

and what was going on.

The struggle for life that was taking place, 

the way our world was changing so quickly.

There were a few things that helped.

A few people that made a difference 

in this road we were on. 

While Boaz was in the hospital

for his first round of chemo, 

the "art lady", in charge of toys,

crayons, and generally seeing that the 

patients were as happy as possible 

and the parents as..................

Well, it's kinda hard to say relaxed,

that's definitely not the right word. 

This lady was telling me about a program

the hospital had for cancer patients.

The program was normally for four year olds 

and up, but she decided to let Boaz in it anyway.

It is called Bravery Heart Beads for kids. 

For each procedure they have,
an infusion of chemo 

or blood, each scan or test, surgery....
the list goes on and on. 

The nurse marks it on their paper and 

once a week the "art" lady comes around 

and gives the children their beads.

In my opinion, the children really do earn the beads.

There is one bead however that is different.

It is the "brave" bead.

Only a nurse or doctor can award this bead.

When they think the child has behaved 

bravely in a situation, they sign off the 

brave bead on the list.

All of the "B" beads are brave beads, 

which they ran out of. 

Each other particular bead being

for a particular event.

Boaz really liked his beads, 

though I doubt he understood the meanings.

Paige and his brothers liked them and

liked to look up what each of the beads were for.

Bravery Hearts also sells things 
to support the program. 

It is free for the children,

but is only at select hospitals. 

So, for Boaz birthday we bought Paige

a Bravery Heart necklace.

She definitely earned it, 

standing by his bedside for hours to keep him happy

just so I could think, or tend to other things.

Each one is unique, in that the beads are 
just placed on without a real order. 

But each on has two things the same.

A hand blown glass heart...........

And a small "bravery" bead. 

 I couldn't help but thinking how fitting that 

was for Paige, loving her brother through 

the worst, staying by his side when possible,

and being very brave through it also.

God allowed us some GOOD times!!!

Nick ordered one for me also.

Every time I wear it, 

I think of my little man, of his bravery, 

and the love the Lord allowed us to share.

*********************

 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness

of the Lord in the land of the living.  Psalm 27:13

 

   

 

one year ago

One year ago I was at the hospital,

not knowing my life would be changed forever.

My heart knew something............

 He was such a good boy.

here we were still in town

wouldn't I love to hold him again

just a few days before

laughing and playing at our beach

he was such a blessing

what I wouldn't give to hear that laugh again

his shirt says "too cool for school"

one fish is swimming the opposite way

one of Paige's favorite's =)

there were signs................

but who'd have known

Silas Boaz, "my love"

"My Little Man"

Boaz

This morning something we'd been waiting for was delivered.

We wanted it to be simple, yet we wanted it to be very "Boaz".

I always called Boaz, "my little man".

That is what he will always be.

 This was his favorite shirt and hat. 

He had other hats, (and shirts, really) but he wouldn't wear them.

 Until he saw this hat at the store one day.
I picked it up and tried it on him,
but since it was too big, I put it back. 
He began to pout immediately, but I didn't realize why.
I picked him up and held him, but that wasn't what he wanted.
He took his old hat off, and threw it into the back of the cart.
By now I knew he was mad, but didn't know why.
Finally, I had a bright idea and sent Paige back for the hat.
Boaz immediately put it on and began smiling.
And I bought the hat!  : )

After that he would trade between the two hats. 
He would pick out all of the cars to play with also. 
It must've been the eyes on them that he liked.

Then there was his turtle. 
We went to the Georgia Aquarium when Boaz was nine months old.
Nick got him this turtle and he slept with it ever after.
He turned the turtle upside down and played with the tag.

I love pictures of them sleeping.
They are so sweet.

Boaz was my constant companion for two and a half years.

He was just getting to be independent when he got sick.

After that I lived, to keep him alive.

Having a child so sick puts the rest of your life on hold.

My fight to keep him alive and happy

consumed everything I had.

If you've never been in that situation, 

you can not understand.

I never say I'm tired now. 

Having a large family, schooling them all, 

working in a ministry..............
Now I know that wasn't tired.

Tired has a new definition.
I do not complain of anything I've been through with Boaz.
Many people never have time with their child.
The Lord gave me six glorious months.
Many of those days were wonderful and happy.
I can not thank God enough for being merciful
to me in allowing me the good times I had with my little man.

God's Wonderful Grace

As the sun set on little Boaz' life, we are very sad and missing him. But, rejoicing that he is in the arms of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

Nick and I were thanking God for all the good times we had with our Little Man, and for God allowing us to keep him for these two years and seven months. I needed to stroke his soft hair one more time, though this time it wasn't to comfort him, but me.



We ended up having Sunday School in the house. We were all mourning our loss, because it was surely gain for Silas!

We are very thankful for everyone who came to support us. Somehow, this morning I was wondering if my Silas has talked to Boaz and Ruth, or Paul and Silas yet!

What Never Changes

We had a tent revival this past week. Silas and I made it to the pm services through Wednesday. Wednesday night he was playing, saying "Amen preacher", and playing with Mrs. Chris' necklace. He was a great trooper. He endured hardness. Last night he was in great pain for a few hours. We gave him some extra medicine to settle him, but the look of pain never left his face. Nick and I, and several of the children were praying the Lord would take him on home (to Heaven). We moved him to his bed in our room and gave him his turtle, which he hasn't wanted for days. He cried for a second sometime after 2am. and he never cried out again. I got up this morning and knew he was gone, I couldn't hear him breathing. I woke Nick, and the rest is done. The thing is, he had such a peaceful look on his face. He was holding his turtle, and smiling. Obviously, the Lord took the pain away before he took him. We haven't made any arrangements yet. We are very thankful for the Lord's mercy and answering our prayers. We are thankful for everyone who has and is praying for us. We know we will be needing it.
One of the songs that was sang this week really helped Nick and I. We actually had it on all day yesterday, repeat is a nice thing. The title is What Never Changes

What Never Changes

I've seen things along the way,
I've seen some trouble in my short days.
Through it all, I have no fear.
See, I had a friend who was always near.

And if the sun were to fall,
if the oceans were to dry.
If the mountains were to crumble,
I wouldn't bat an eye.
For I stand upon the Rock,
the Rock of Ages.
No matter what may come,
What storm around me rages,
I stand upon what never changes.

Sometimes the way looks bleak,
Cause we're just human, and we are weak.
Take it from me,
If the road gets rough
He'll be there to pick you up.

And if the sun were to fall
If the oceans were to dry.
If the mountains were to crumble
I wouldn't bat an eye.
I stand upon the Rock
He's the Rock of all the Ages.
No matter what may come
What storm around me rages,
I stand upon what never changes.

God's love never changes. His being there for me has never changed. He has always been loving and kind. He's the Rock I've held onto through all of this, and I sure am thankful that he never changes.

Where We Are Now

We are finally home from the hospital. Three times a day, I was taking Silas up to the hospital for his antibiotic infusions. After a week in the hospital an orthopedic surgeon did surgery on Silas to drain the infection. He kept some to culture and also did a biopsy on a spot. The cultures did not grow, likely because he had been on antibiotics for a week. The biopsy came back also. It was metastatic disease, a tumor. This cancer grows VERY rapidly. We havent killed it, we were just shrinking it. We had quit feeding it, and we were giving the body what it needed to fight it. When we had the infection in the last port we were not able to do the natural treatments. As of now, he has been without the natural treatments on a regular basis for too long.
His pedeatrition has been a huge blessing to us. After the minimum stay of two weeks in the hospital for antibiotics, we tried to wean Silas off of his IV antibiotics and go to oral. When we took him off the first one and all was well. But, when we took him off the second one he began running high fevers again, 104 or so. His doctor didn't want to keep him from his natural therapy any longer, so he discharged Silas on Saturday, allowing us to get the antibiotics outpatient.
Wednesday he began having sharp, extreme pains. By Thursday mid-morning it was too much, and the oral pain medicine wasn't working. I was afraid of bleeding on the brain also. We rushed him to the ER. They did a CT scan, which showed growth in the frontal region of the head. It is pushing on his optical nerves, and his brain. The doctors said that will cause the extreme pain he's having.
We have called in Hospice. He is doing better with the pain. We don't pretend to understand what is going on. Just three weeks ago he was running around playing like the other boys. We do know a few things. 1.God knows what he's doing. 2.This isn't a suprise to my Saviour! Before Silas was ever born God knew this day was coming. 3.We are not giving up on Silas! My God is a God of miracles. He can do whatever he wants. Which means he can also take Silas from us if he wants. Nick and I are ok with whatever the Lord chooses to do. We do not like to see Silas suffer. We will be fighting for Silas until he's all better, or the Lord chooses to take him to Heaven.