Boaz' Birthday

Yesterday would have been Silas Boaz' 3rd birthday.

I miss him greatly, some days more than others.

Some days are ok, and some days I miss him so much it is a physical ache.

But my God is still on the throne, He hasn't changed!!!

A few weeks ago I received this beautiful bracelet from some great friends who live in Mississippi.

It says:

SILAS BOAZ BLACKBURN    10 MAR 07

UNTIL WE HOLD HIM AGAIN   01 NOV 09

The beads are beautiful, and I love the bracelet.

 Not knowing what was in the package when it arrived, 

but knowing these friends,

I was crying before I even got it opened.

It was a thoughtful and timely gift. 

The Lord used these people to be a blessing to me.

On this birthday there were:

no presents to unwrap

no tiny squeals of joy

no blankies to drag around

no turtle to find for nap time

no scooter racing through the house

But there was:

one more blond haired boy in the presence of Jesus Christ

 walkin on the street of gold

and fishing in the crystal sea

or flyin round with the angels

my little man

Sometimes it's hard to think of my little Boaz "being" somewhere. 

It's so easy to see him running through the house, 

chasing his "Sissy" with the mop

with that smile that lit up his whole face

or that very thoughtful look, like he was pondering something

maybe that devious "Scruggs" smirk when he was

about to get into, destroy something,

tease someone, or he was going to run away

 I can imagine him fishing with Bro Hank

listening to the love story of  the Boaz and Ruth

asking about the animals that were on the ark

and sitting in the lap of my Saviour, Jesus Christ

 

Boaz and Buddy-makin friends

Boaz and Stonewall have always been best friends. They are only 16 months apart. They did everything together. There were certain things that only Stonewall could do with Boaz, they were buddies. But, with Boaz gone it has left quite a hole in Stonewalls life. Sometimes I think he must feel lost. He has grown a little closer to a few friends though. Boaz and Gracie were little together,and played constantly. Of course, a little fighting too, like here they're fighting over the toys. Hunter joined in this time with their game.Boaz and Stonewall worked together well too. Very cute. Boaz loved his pockets and I even had to start checking them before washing. I usually found a small derringer gun or a rubber glow in the dark snake!!  Building houses for their "animals".This is the Saturday before we had to take Boaz in to the hospital. I knew in my heart something was wrong, but never dreamed what it was. I even believed it was serious, but we never guessed it. As I got to, and left the doctors office on Monday I told the Lord, "Lord, he's always been yours, and if you take him now, you are still gracious and kind. And no matter what, you are still on the throne". I really felt then that he would take him, but as time wore on and he started getting better, I began to believe I was going to get to keep him. But it looks like God took me up on it. I don't like it, don't think I do. I miss him every single day, in ways only a Mommy can understand who has lost one. Some things do remain though, no matter how I feel. My God is still in control, even when I don't understand. 

Stonewall was being a little gentleman this day. It was sooo cute watching him pull his little brother and a girl in the wagon.                    

Here's Sissy snuggling with her little brothers. They loved it and so does she. Stonewall took over Boaz' bed in Sissy's room, but he really likes to sleep with his Sissy and steal her blankets!!! : )  Gracie climbed up and was feeding Boaz his yogurt, though I have no idea why. It was very cute. Just the kind of thing friends do! When Boaz got sick, even the little ones seemed to realize our days with him were a gift. We didn't want to give him everything he wanted, but we all realized God could take him at any time.Stonewall loved his "Buggy". He didn't understand at all. He has seen him feeling so bad that I think he just thought he was sleeping or still sick. He wanted to know if Boaz wanted to color, and gave him toys!So, one day we realize Gracie and Stonewall have taken up together since Boaz passed. We overheard them talking too. Gracie said, "Now that Silas is gone and up in the clouds we'll just have to do with each other". And they really do a lot together.  They are playing house, obviously the kitten is the "baby". Stonewall had been "babysitting" while Grace "fixed dinner".Here's Stonewall and Cheyenne, they play together pretty good, though sometimes Stonewall acts like......well.....he's such a boy!!! He can be cute and be feeding her pretzels one minute. But then the he turned around and stepped on her blanket, smiling the whole time. Chy though is letting Stonewall have it!!  : )  One time Chy decided to wrestle with him. Stonewall again is laughing (he's used to wrestling with his brothers), but Chy was NOT!! She could not get out of this one! It took a few minutes for Alex to be able to settle her. Really, I didn't teach him to wrestle with girls.   ; )                                           I sure miss my little man. Some days I miss him more than others. Some days are much worse than others. I am very glad that Stonewall has friends to help fill in that empty space I know is in his heart also. The other night in church Stonewall raised his hand and asked prayer, he said, "please pray for Silas, because................" and he bawled. Yes, even at four years old there is a large empty space that hurts. He comes to me, sometimes several times in a day to tell me things he remembers about Boaz, like "Buggy called me Tonewall". I guess he must have days that are harder than others too. Stonewall and Boaz were best friends and I'm glad his memory of Boaz is so sharp. I want it to stay that way.  : )        

Silas Boaz

First, I must say, GOD IS STILL ON THE THRONE!!!!!!!!!
I realize some of you already know some of what is going on, but I will try to be comprehensive, for those who do not. Little Silas Boaz is at Shands Children's Hospital in Gainsville, Fl. He has been showing some signs of something being wrong, and it progressed rather rapidly, on the outside. He has been diagnosed with neuroblastoma. It is a cancer of the nerves, starting in the adrenal glands. It affects children age five and under, some are born with it, like Boaz probably was. His started in his abdomen, in the left adrenal gland, and that tumor has pretty much taken over his abdomen. It is on his stomach, which we will deal with later. But, PRAISE GOD, it is not in any more of his organs. They are a little pushed around right now, but healthy! His secondary site is probably his head, which has about four spots, in the skull. This gives him much pain. He has been rubbing his head for a long time and always liked us to rub it. Now we know why. But, once again, God has chosen to protect his brain. GLORY TO GOD!!! God is merciful in all things. Then he has a lump under his arm (soft tissue), and in his arm, and leg (in the bones). It is not in his blood!!!! That is an answered prayer. PRAISE THE LORD!!!
We knew something was really wrong, but had no idea what. Of course, we never thought cancer. After all, he's two. By the time we got him here he had slept for days, only waking for short times, he had been vomiting for days, had lumps on his head (they all came up since Thursday, April 29th), wanted no one but me,and was severely dehydrated. But, my God knows things I do not. None of these things were a surprise to Him. He started chemo on Friday at 7pm. I know he needed that badly. Within an hour he was devouring Aaron's french fries. The next day he ate a whole banana for lunch, and a cup of yogurt. For dinner, he ate fries and part of my chicken sandwich.
I know we are sure to have rough time ahead. I believe it will be hard. My God is merciful. He could have taken him in womb, at birth, or any time since then. Nick and I gave him to the Lord long ago. And I have done it many times since then, especially since that first Dr visit when something inside said, "somethings wrong".
I will try to keep this updated. Sometimes I may have someone else do it. God didn't make a mistake. No matter what changes, God never changes.
GOD IS STILL ON THE THRONE!!!!