It is hard not to think of where we
were last year at this time
and what was going on.
The struggle for life that was taking place,
the way our world was changing so quickly.
There were a few things that helped.
A few people that made a difference
in this road we were on.
While Boaz was in the hospital
for his first round of chemo,
the "art lady", in charge of toys,
crayons, and generally seeing that the
patients were as happy as possible
and the parents as..................
Well, it's kinda hard to say relaxed,
that's definitely not the right word.
This lady was telling me about a program
the hospital had for cancer patients.
The program was normally for four year olds
and up, but she decided to let Boaz in it anyway.
It is called Bravery Heart Beads for kids.
For each procedure they have,
an infusion of chemo
or blood, each scan or test, surgery....
the list goes on and on.
The nurse marks it on their paper and
once a week the "art" lady comes around
and gives the children their beads.
In my opinion, the children really do earn the beads.
There is one bead however that is different.
It is the "brave" bead.
Only a nurse or doctor can award this bead.
When they think the child has behaved
bravely in a situation, they sign off the
brave bead on the list.
All of the "B" beads are brave beads,
which they ran out of.
Each other particular bead being
for a particular event.
Boaz really liked his beads,
though I doubt he understood the meanings.
Paige and his brothers liked them and
liked to look up what each of the beads were for.
Bravery Hearts also sells things
to support the program.
It is free for the children,
but is only at select hospitals.
So, for Boaz birthday we bought Paige
a Bravery Heart necklace.
She definitely earned it,
standing by his bedside for hours to keep him happy
just so I could think, or tend to other things.
Each one is unique, in that the beads are
just placed on without a real order.
But each on has two things the same.
A hand blown glass heart...........
And a small "bravery" bead.
I couldn't help but thinking how fitting that
was for Paige, loving her brother through
the worst, staying by his side when possible,
and being very brave through it also.
God allowed us some GOOD times!!!
Nick ordered one for me also.
Every time I wear it,
I think of my little man, of his bravery,
and the love the Lord allowed us to share.
*********************
I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness
of the Lord in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13
Boaz and Stonewall have always been best friends. They are only 16 months apart. They did everything together. There were certain things that only Stonewall could do with Boaz, they were buddies. But, with Boaz gone it has left quite a hole in Stonewalls life. Sometimes I think he must feel lost. He has grown a little closer to a few friends though. Boaz and Gracie were little together,and played constantly. Of course, a little fighting too, like here they're fighting over the toys. 
Hunter joined in this time with their game.
Boaz and Stonewall worked together well too. Very cute. Boaz loved his pockets and I even had to start checking them before washing. I usually found a small derringer gun or a rubber glow in the dark snake!! 
Building houses for their "animals".
This is the Saturday before we had to take Boaz in to the hospital. I knew in my heart something was wrong, but never dreamed what it was. I even believed it was serious, but we never guessed it. As I got to, and left the doctors office on Monday I told the Lord, "Lord, he's always been yours, and if you take him now, you are still gracious and kind. And no matter what, you are still on the throne". I really felt then that he would take him, but as time wore on and he started getting better, I began to believe I was going to get to keep him. But it looks like God took me up on it. I don't like it, don't think I do. I miss him every single day, in ways only a Mommy can understand who has lost one. Some things do remain though, no matter how I feel. My God is still in control, even when I don't understand. 
Stonewall was being a little gentleman this day. It was sooo cute watching him pull his little brother and a girl in the wagon. 
Gracie climbed up and was feeding Boaz his yogurt, though I have no idea why. It was very cute. Just the kind of thing friends do! 
When Boaz got sick, even the little ones seemed to realize our days with him were a gift. We didn't want to give him everything he wanted, but we all realized God could take him at any time.
Stonewall loved his "Buggy". He didn't understand at all. He has seen him feeling so bad that I think he just thought he was sleeping or still sick. He wanted to know if Boaz wanted to color, and gave him toys!
So, one day we realize Gracie and Stonewall have taken up together since Boaz passed. We overheard them talking too. Gracie said, "Now that Silas is gone and up in the clouds we'll just have to do with each other". And they really do a lot together. 
They are playing house, obviously the kitten is the "baby". Stonewall had been "babysitting" while Grace "fixed dinner".
Here's Stonewall and Cheyenne, they play together pretty good, though sometimes Stonewall acts like......well.....he's such a boy!!! He can be cute and be feeding her pretzels one minute. But then the he turned around and stepped on her blanket, smiling the whole time. Chy though is letting Stonewall have it!! : ) 
One time Chy decided to wrestle with him. Stonewall again is laughing (he's used to wrestling with his brothers), but Chy was NOT!! She could not get out of this one! It took a few minutes for Alex to be able to settle her. Really, I didn't teach him to wrestle with girls. ; ) 
I sure miss my little man. Some days I miss him more than others. Some days are much worse than others. I am very glad that Stonewall has friends to help fill in that empty space I know is in his heart also. The other night in church Stonewall raised his hand and asked prayer, he said, "please pray for Silas, because................" and he bawled. Yes, even at four years old there is a large empty space that hurts. He comes to me, sometimes several times in a day to tell me things he remembers about Boaz, like "Buggy called me Tonewall". I guess he must have days that are harder than others too. Stonewall and Boaz were best friends and I'm glad his memory of Boaz is so sharp. I want it to stay that way. : ) 
i heart faces - yellow
